Edward Snowden, is that you?

DISCLAIMER: FBI people, don't worry. Snowden is not locked up in my basement. Please don't arrest me. I'm still a virgin(or am I?(Yes I am :'( )). Arnab Goswami fans... stay away as always.

First things first. There is a weird thing going on with the blog. We are gettting a lot of Russian views (Edward Snowden is that you?). My Russian comrades, we share a lot of common likings viz. vodka and Russian women and we also think of Vladmir Putin as a sex symbol of the middle aged people (I mean look at the guy. Is there any hotter President in the world?). So, Russian spy dudes, stop checking our blog for suspicious activities. You are the least of our worries. We have burning issues of our own. For example-

How do we combat the Maoists?

Will Digvijay Singh ever stop embarrassing the Congress?

Does Arnab Goswami have marital issues? Is he not able to satisfy his wife and hence chanelling that anger on the hapless guests who come to his show?

Does Poonam Pandey have the power to unite the country?

(On a sidenote: I strongly believe Poonam Pandey has the power to truly bring the country together as there has never been a more unanimous moment in the country's history than the moment when all Indians were praying to the heavens for Poonam Pandey to strip)

Now, since we are clear on that, let's move on. So, the last article by The Geek criticized Delhi to such an extent that I felt like ramming an SUV through his house and blowing his face off with a shotgun, all while I am heavily dosed on a khamba of RS and listening to Ch**t Vol. 1 on full blast. After all, being a Dilliwala gives you the birthright to enact GTA in real life, doesn't it?

I am not exactly from Delhi, but we folks from the NCR like to call ourselves Dilliwalas too. After staying here for better part of the decade, I have come to cherish numerous aspects of the city. Delhi, is one hell of a vibrant city with rapists, thugs, the common dilliwalas, gujjar boys, corrupt politicians who claim that Delhites can get a full meal for Rs. 5, all comprise of the city's population or as Navjot Singh Sidhu would put it- "Delhi is a bubbling cauldron of converging cultures, all strirring together to form the very essence of the city". Man, somebody should give this guy a nobel prize in literature for his one-liners.

The moment you enter Delhi, you will be greeted by various sights and sounds of the city. The sights being the ones i'm about to list and the sounds being the one and only true anthem of Delhi- The Delhi Police song. Man... why the hell is it so catchy. I once heard the song before an exam and i was humming it throughout the duration of the exam which caused my adjacent dude to start off too! It has some black magic I tell you. Now for the sights, i.e. places of interests/hangout spots/makeout spots/forever alone spots. Here's a list of my favourites:-

• Hauz Khas village and the various monuments dotting the city. They serve the purpose of extensive photoshoots of girls with duck-faced, crosslegged, hands-by-the-side, head-tilted poses with the sole intent of updation of Facebook DPs & covers photos, having deep captions, which don't have the slightest relation with the picture nicked off the internet.
• Delhi Zoo. The perfect place for couples and forever alone cynical assholes. Couples roam around hand in hand while occasionally stealing away a kiss while cynical assholes ponder over their plight, all while watching baboons have intercourse and hippos lick each other's butts.
• Okhla Bird Sanctuary. Though I haven't been here but I have it on godd authority that this is the perfect place for alcoholics and drug addicts. Even the police come here to share a beer or two with you.
• Old Delhi Area. For its cheap goods and delicious food.
• Last but not at all the very least- Garstin Bastion Road/Swami Shradhanand Marg. Every guy who doesn't have luggage and gets down at New Delhi Metro station is headed here. Some shout out with joy-"Arrey BC! Agla station hai!!" while some are more reserved. So, what exactly is so awesome in the largest red light area of Delhi? Well, for forever alone guys like me, this area has a lot to offer. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't go there for sexual pleasures as I am too much of a coward and I have erectile issues under pressure have morals and principles. I go there just to enjoy the view and to gloat with joy whenever someone whom I have never met calls me sex because of the money and other things she's gonna squeeze from me hunk that I am. then there are the guys coming out of the brothels, especially the no. 64 brothel. Every guy coming out, be it a rickshaw puller, well-educated dude, some foreigner guy or your common gutkha-chewing classic Indian labour, all come out with this 10000-watt smile, some ruffling their hair, some still buttoning their shirt, some in deep conversation about how he gave it to her and some even licking their fingers. All this observation comes at a price. What I am talking about is that your observation is interupted constantly by creepy pedophiles who sneak up on you and offer you a full ear canal check. But, be that as it may, this place is a really nice place to set up shop. After all what can be more embarrassing to tell your family that you work at G.B. Road? All jokes apart, this road is also famous as a market for machinery, automobile parts, hardware and tools and is the largest market for these items in the National Capital Region. But we all know why people go here right? *wink wink*

Though I love Delhi for its women, cheap liquor prices and its high class restaurants (which serve you simple food with twisted names(like simple daal-chawal becomes yellow lentils washed in himalayan waters with steaming long rice freshly picked from the lap of the Vindhyas cooked to perfection) and charge the earth from you), there is still backwardness in this quazi-modern city. People may dress modern but their minds are still ancient (I'll write about this problem in a more broader spectrum in another article). If mindsets of Delhi people change, I am pretty sure this city will be there in the top 10 cities to reside in the world from every aspect.

-The Freak