Teen FAQs

DISCLAIMER : We are going to present a real view (well almost) of the teenage life of today. So, adults please stay away. Preferable for all audiences between ages 15-21. Also there references to a whole lot of things so don't be offended and Baba Sehgal fans please don't read any further.

So this is our second post in a day. Yeah, we know what you all are thinking and to answer you : Yes we do have a life but today it seems to be inside this blog. Anyways, so after our first blog seven people ( yup we counted )told us that our writing is as good as Charlie Sheen is in dry humping someone (a minute to pat our back please ). In the light of this, we decided to write the piece that was originally supposed to be our first post : A FAQ format article to explain the common problems of the teenagers of this generation.

Geek : I have a career changing exam tomorrow and I have not prepared even one bit. How to cool my nerves ?
Freak : Well the thing is you have got be as relaxed as a guy walking on a rope at a height of hundred meter over a pool of water with thirty hungry sharks in it. Maybe smoke some pot, chuck in a few Carlsbergs and stroke your salami and you are ready to go. Also don't forget to bribe whatever pagan god you believe in.

Geek : I had my first drinking party yesterday and today I woke with vomit all over my pants and  both the vomit and the pants are not mine. How do I show up at home like this ?

Freak : Buddy from the looks of it you are probably feeling like a politician who has just woken up in his bed with a woman , who isn't his wife, only to find out his wife's text from 30 mins ago saying, "Hey, I am stopping by your hotel room in 31 mins". In short, you are screwed. You have got to go home and face the mighty wrath of your mother. 

And now its the freak's turn -

Freak : I have a crush on a smoking hot female teacher of mine. Can't concentrate in her period. When she turns around towards the blackboard I keep staring at her - oo la la. What do I do ?

Geek : Go watch Main Hoon Na. And master SRK's dumbass signature pose.

Freak : I can't sleep at night. Any suggestions ?
Geek : The reason for this problem maybe but are not exclusive to -

• Obsessing over your girlfriend/boyfriend/crush 
• The anxiety of being forever alone
• Facebook
• Porn
• Freaky shit that people do inside their bedroom ( like watching Baba Ramdev's yoga videos, roadies audition clips, crazy cat videos or maybe watching Balika Vadhu )
• Some more porn 

The only solution is sleep in your parent's room.

Some questions that do not connect with us but are asked frequently -

Anonymous : I am addicted to watching porn. All kinds of it. And no matter how hard I try I can't do anything about it. Any suggestions ? Btw, I am a girl.

Freak : Let me deliver a pizza to your home *insert naughty India introduction music(similar to naughty america)*

Anonymous : Today I saw two pigeons making out with each other on my balcony and now i feeling very lonely. What do I do ?

Geek : There, there .

Anonymous : I am a 17 year old guy and I have huge man breasts. My friends tease me about that the whole day. What to do ?
Freak : Be happy with who you are. Walk tall, man.

Anonymous : I touch myself while watching old Baba Sehgal videos. Is it normal for a guy to do that ? Am I gay ?

Geek : <speechless> *speechless for 5 mins*I am stunned.....But its okay bro... We know he is a sexy beast...We have all been there. ( No we haven't , what crazy shit is this ? )

The funny part is that this is not that far from reality.So, in a nutshell we are mad people trying find our own place in the world. Maybe its in a cubicle in an office or on the stage of Broadway or maybe on a potty pot. Who knows ? Till then lets watch some Baba Sehgal videos. 

- The Freak & The Geek